Monday, January 21, 2013

Happy New Year!

Well, it has been a very long time since I posted an update, and I have no idea if anyone still reads this blog, but I thought it couldn't hurt to drop in and say hello.

The babies are six and a half months old now (adjusted) and I will go back to work part-time from late February.  Pearl and Emerson will be going to a daycare centre in my building, so hopefully that won't be to traumatic for all involved. I am looking forward to having more adult company again and I think the babies will benefit from having a change of scenery a few times each week.  There is only so much I can do to amuse them in our apartment! And Emerson is a little tank of a boy who likes to move around :)

Our little (big) family is in a really great place right now after a very tough few months.  After we came home we went from Colic and Reflux and milk allergies to feeding issues and horrific sleep problems.  It all got very wild for a while there but thankfully we were offered a place at our local sleep school in December.  That event was life changing and I will always be indebted to our child health nurse and GP who referred us.  The babies now sleep in the same room for 12-13 hours each night, and nap together three times a day.  The Reflux is under control with medication and everyone is happy and well rested.  I am starting to look and feel more like a normal person and I am really enjoying my babies. I think they're enjoying life a whole bunch right now too.

Looking back I can see that we underestimated how much support we'd need for twins, and I was completely naive about what would happen to my body in the months following childbirth.  If I could go back in time I would have attended physio each week during my pregnancy to minimise my abdominal muscle separation (I'm planning on having my muscles and hernia repaired surgically later this year) and I would have made provision for a part-time au-pair. Whilst Clayton and I survived those months running on two to three hours sleep, I don't think it's good enough to merely "survive" for so long.  I was told that we would live in a crazy, demented state for six weeks with a newborn and that sounded awful enough, but twenty-four weeks was far too long.  It was a huge shock to discover that after reaching our long-held dream of being parents, there was still a very difficult chapter awaiting us.

I know our situation wasn't especially unusual for premmie twins but I hate that we missed out on so much joy.  However, I do believe our rocky start is making this part of the journey all the more sweet.  Someone told me that when your baby begins sleeping through the night you fall in love with them all over again.  For us, that has been spot on.  We cuddle and kiss them and converse endlessly about how amazing they are and it feels just like it did when they were first born.  Euphoric.  I am besotted with my family and I feel so contented with my life.  That is a very big change for restless old me.  I feel like I've spent my whole life waiting for things and chasing things and I've never been settled.  It is amazing how babies force you to live in the moment.

I've attached some photos of us all.  The Christmas ones were actually taken in October (for our family Christmas card!) and the others are just fun snaps, taken from the thousands on my iPhone.

I hope that everyone out there is well.  I hope that whilst on your journey to parenthood, life is kind.  And I hope that you never lose hope.

Saturday, September 29, 2012

Little man

Dear Emerson

I just wanted to quickly document how awesome you are and how happy you make me feel.

We've had a rough trot with you since you arrived on the scene a mere 16 weeks ago this Tuesday. Reflux got you really bad and for the first few months of your life you were in so much pain and discomfort. Sometimes we wondered if you enjoyed being here much at all. Your Daddy and I wanted to help you so much but we didn't really know what to do other than keep you warm, dry and fed and hold you through all the tears. I don't think I'll ever forget the nights where neither of us slept for more than an hour at best. It was a long Winter my little boy.

But things have changed so much lately and you have grown into a sweet, alert and happy dude with the cutest little voice we've ever heard. You smile and laugh and chatter all day long and I love looking at your chubby little brown body which is growing stronger every day. Just like your sister you are utterly charming.

Last night we took you and Pearl to one of our favourite spots to watch live music and met with some friends and their little babies too. Daddy and I used to see all the little people at this place and would say to each other how nice it would be if we could take our own babies one day. Well my little son, it was even nicer than I used to imagine in my head and seeing you sit with your Daddy while you looked around with wonder and enjoyed the new experience, was one of the highlights of being your Mama so far.

I can't wait to see you grow into a lovely man just like your Dad, and I am truly so grateful that the long and difficult journey to motherhood led me in the end to you and your sister.

You are both so nice that I wonder if we should try our luck for one more baby one day. Daddy says we are so lucky we probably shouldn't. I know what he means but it doesn't stop me from wondering. IVF was hard, pregnancy was hard, recovery from pregnancy and childbirth is still hard, sleepless nights are *so* hard, but somehow your collective wonderfulness makes me think it would be a travesty to not try once more.

I love you heaps you funny dude. I could gobble up your face!

Ps: today you grunted like a wild thing when you did a poo. Your Dad laughed and laughed and laughed :)